evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
i think i just lost a toe
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
