I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
