at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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