Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
