Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Randomize
