what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
whose ass print is on the piano?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
