Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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