Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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