Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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