Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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