She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
