Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize