Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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