He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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