Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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