I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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