OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
