So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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