I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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