Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
