you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
