Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
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