thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
