actually, I'm a sock model
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
