i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
