Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
