I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
