My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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