His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
