The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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