if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
