the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
