know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
