If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
