No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
