She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
