A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize