am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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