i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
