I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
