Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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