Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
