My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
