Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
