Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
