My balls are so social today.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
