Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
