I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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