but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize