Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
