Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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