I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Too much gin, very little bucket
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Randomize
