you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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