erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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