Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
