YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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