My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
