i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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