"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
