i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
