glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
