I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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