I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
