i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
