The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
