I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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