Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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