I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
