you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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