Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
