Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
this hospital has no fireball
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
