Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize
