Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
