Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
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