Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
