I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
