Swine flu. Run for my life!
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
