Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
