I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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