she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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