I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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