It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
do herpes really smell.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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