We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
