We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
