Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
