Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
false alarm, still single
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
