google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
