i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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