Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
