a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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