By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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