ya dads aren't the best wingmen
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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