the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
